Directory Of Humor

POINTS TO PONDER JOKES 

POINTS TO PONDER
(bring props to tell these)

Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

**If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

>If you mixed vodka with orange juice and Phillips milk of magnesia, would you get a Philip's screwdriver?

Does that screwdriver really belong to Philip?

> Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

>Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

>If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

>Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing    night gowns in the evening?

>If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

>When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents worth  in, what happens to the other penny?

>Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

>Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Isn't it just stale
bread to begin with.?

>Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a
person who drives a race car not called a racist?

>Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

>Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

>If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make
terrible?

>Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

>"I am " is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that "I do " is the longest sentence?

>If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

>Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

>Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion
stars in the  universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Why do doctors call what they do "practice" - didn't they get enough practice before they hung the shingle ?

Why do they they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Is it proper for  vegetarians to eat animal crackers?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right
    to remain silent?

If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

In the mountains of West Virginny, they want to know: Why is it called tourist season if you can't shoot at them?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear
earmuffs?

If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the
way they do?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a
running child?

Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush  hour?