Directory Of Humor

MOVIES JOKES 

Things you would never know without the movies...

>>>

>>>...All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

>>>

>>>...All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the

>>>armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying

>>>beside her.

>>>

>>>All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French

>>>Bread.

>>>

>>>...Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba

>>>diving.

>>>

>>>...The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding

>>>place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you

>>>can travel to any other part of the building you want to - maybe even

>>> to another country

>>>

>>>...If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more

>>>ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

>>>

>>>You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you

>>>make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back

>>>home.

>>>

>>>...Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds

>>>- unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped

>>> inside.

>>>

>>>...When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to

>>>each other.

>>>

>>>Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will

>>>not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

>>>

>>>...The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

>>>

>>>...A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating

>>>but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

>>>

>>>...Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at

>>>night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

>>>

>>>...If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any

>>>strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

>>>

>>>...Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family

>>>every morning even though their husband and children never have time

>>>to eat it.

>>>

>>>...Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

>>>

>>>...The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or

>>>give him 48 hours to finish the job which he would never be able to finish

>>>unless he were, in fact, suspended from the force.

>>>

>>>...A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of

>>>RFK Stadium.

>>>

>>>...Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

>>>

>>>...Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

>>>

>>>...It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or

>>>ending phone conversations.

>>>

>>>...Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary

>>>to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few

>>>moments.

>>>

>>>...It is always possible to park directly outside the building you

>>> are visiting.

>>>

>>>...It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight

>>> involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack

>>> you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you

>>> have knocked out their predecessors.

>>>

>>>...Police departments give their officers personality tests to make

>>>sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total

>>>opposite.