Directory Of Humor

LAWYERS JOKES 

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you> when he woke that morning?

 A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy? Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.

> Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499?

 A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

hicles at the time of the

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

 Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?A: Oral.

 Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

 Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

 Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

 Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing?

 A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

 Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

 Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forgot. Q: Ok, You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.

 Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident.

 A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?A: Yes.

Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at?

>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

 Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

 Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

 Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?

> Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.


> Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

> Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls?
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> Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
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