Directory Of Humor

INSPIRATION JOKES 

INSPIRATION / LIFE / WISDOM 

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 Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour
trip - finally I aquiesced -  When I  walked into Carolyn's house and hugged and greeted my grandchildren, I said, "Forget the daffodils, Carolyn!  The road is invisible in the clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see bad enough to drive another inch!"
 " Mother, I promise.  You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience." So we went - twenty minutes later , going down a gravel road  I saw a small church.  On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign that read, "Daffodil Garden."
We got out of the car and went down the path.  Then, we turned a corner of the path, and I looked up and gasped.  Before me lay the most glorious sight.  It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes.  The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow.  Each different colored variety was plant  as a group so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.  "But who has done this?" I asked Carolyn.
 "It's just one woman," Carolyn answered.  "She lives on the property.
 That's her home."  Carolyn pointed to a well kept A frame house that looked  small and modest in the midst of all that glory.  We walked up to the
house. On the patio, we saw a poster.  "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking" was the headline. The first answer was a simple one.  "50,000 bulbs," it read.  The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman.  Two hands, two feet, and very little brain."  The third answer was, "Began in 1958." There it was, The Daffodil Principle. For me, that moment was a life changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun one bulb at a time-to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountain top.  Still, just planting one bulb at a time, year after year, had changed the world.  This unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived.  She had created something of ineffable (indescribable) magnificence, beauty, and inspiration.
  The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles
 of celebration.  That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires
one step at a time often just one baby step at a time-and learning to love
 the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things.  We can change the world. "It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn.  "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years. Just think what I might have been able to achieve!" My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way."Start tomorrow," she said. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays.  The way to make learning a lesson of cebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"
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One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.  On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"  "It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked.
"Oh Yeah" said the son.
"So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four."
"We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end."
"We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night."
"We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight."
"We have servants who serve us, but they serve themselves and serve others, too."
"We buy our food and look for the freshest offerings, but they grow theirs and always have the freshest food possible."
"We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
With this the boy's father was speechless.  Then his son added, "Thanks, dad, for showing me how poor we are."

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RIGHT NOW:
somebody is very proud of you.
somebody is thinking of you.
somebody is caring about you.
somebody misses you.
somebody wants to talk to you.
somebody wants to be with you.
somebody hopes you are not in trouble.
somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
somebody wants to hold your hand.
somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
somebody wants you to be happy.
somebody want you to find him/her.
somebody wants to give you a gift.
somebody wants to hug you.
somebody thinks you ARE a gift.
somebody admires your strength.
somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
somebody wants to protect you.
somebody can't wait to see you.
somebody loves you for who you are.
somebody treasures your spirit.
somebody is glad that you are their friend.
somebody wants to get to know you better.
somebody wants to be near you.
somebody wants you to know they are there for you.
somebody would do anything for you.
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Inspirational / Life

There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things"in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted  sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit  she wanted to be buried in. The woman also requested to be buried with  her favorite Bible. "And this is very     important," the woman continued,  "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand." The pastor stood looking at the woman, not knowing quite what to say. "That surprises you, doesn't it?" the woman asked. "Well, to be honest,  I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor. The woman explained. "In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners , I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'keep your fork." It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!  So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to tell them: "Keep Your Fork"...."The best is yet to come.......
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Inspirational/Love 

THE ROSES

Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.
And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, "Be my Valentine" like all the years before.
Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
"I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow, with every passingyear."
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.
She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair.
While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.
A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door.
She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
The owner answered, and she askedhim, if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?
"I know your husband passed away,more than a year ago,"
The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know.
The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.
There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.
There also is another thing, that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago.
Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here,
That's the card...that should be sent, to you the following year."
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.
Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote...
"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome.
I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.
For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife.
You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.
When you get these roses, think of all the happiness,
That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.
Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,
When your door's not answered when the florist stops to knock.
He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt,
To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him,
And place the roses where we are, together once again.

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A short prayer:

"So far today, God, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. I'm really glad about that. But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot of help. Amen." 

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I've learned-that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.
I've learned-that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned-that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned- that you can keep going long after you can't.
I've learned-that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned-that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned-that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I've learned- that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned-that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned-that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned-that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned- that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned- that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned- that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned- that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't always biological.
I've learned-that no matter how good a friend is, they are going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned- that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned- that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. 
I've learned- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned- that we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change.
I've learned-that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned- that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different
I've learned- that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned- that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you,you will find the strength to help.
I've learned-that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being
I've learned-> >that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
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Something to Remember

A man once punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of special wrapping paper. Money was tight, and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next nite and said, "This is for you, Daddy."
The man embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found that the box was empty. He yelled at her, "Don't you know that when you give someone a present, there's supposed to be something inside of it?" The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Oh, Daddy it's not empty. I blew kisses into the box. All for you, Daddy."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged her forgiveness. He kept that box by his bed for years. Whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.
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Come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses... 
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 PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
Peace of mind . Peace of heart . Peace of soul
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PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
 Squash intolerance, indifference, selfishness
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PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
 Lettuce be faithful - . Lettuce be kind -  Lettuce  really love one another
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PLANT TURNIPS:
 Turnip to help one another Turnip to spend  time with those you love 
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BE SURE TO HAVE SOME THYME:
Thyme for each other  . Thyme for family . Thyme for friends
WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE. 
THERE WILL BE MUCH FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN BECAUSE YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.
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