Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving turkey.
1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the
foil carefully (see attached)
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
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WAS THE NIGHT OF THANKSGIVING, I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP
I TRIED COUNTING BACKWARDS, I TRIED COUNTING SHEEP.
THE LEFTOVERS BECKONED - THE DARK MEAT AND WHITE
BUT I FOUGHT THE TEMPTATION WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT
TOSSING AND TURNING WITH ANTICIPATION
THE THOUGHT OF A SNACK BECAME INFATUATION.
SO, I RACED TO THE KITCHEN, FLUNG OPEN THE DOOR
AND GAZED AT THE FRIDGE, FULL OF GOODIES GALORE.
I GOBBLED UP TURKEY AND BUTTERED POTATOES,
PICKLES AND CARROTS, BEANS AND TOMATOES.
I FELT MYSELF SWELLING SO PLUMP AND SO ROUND,
'TIL ALL OF A SUDDEN, I ROSE OFF THE GROUND.
I CRASHED THROUGH THE CEILING, FLOATING INTO THE SKY
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF PUDDING AND A HANDFUL OF PIE.
BUT, I MANAGED TO YELL AS I SOARED PAST THE TREES....
HAPPY EATING TO ALL - PASS THE CRANBERRIES, PLEASE.
MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY, MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.
MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP,
MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE,
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING BE BLESSED
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Since Martha Stewart won't be coming to join us this
Thanksgiving , I've made a few small changes:
Once inside, our guests will note
that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall
foliage as are some grand entranceways. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved
in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the
front yard. The mud that helped the process along was their own idea. The
dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or
crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will
get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic
Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas. Our
centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised.
Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the
finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey. We will
be dining fashionably late and the children will entertain you while you
wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have
ever made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hot-line as well as
some about friends and relatives you may know. Please remember that most of
these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was
still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children's recital,
I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention
that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming
sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They
are lying. We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce
the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method.
When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit
wherever you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to
sit at a separate table...in a separate room...maybe even next door. Now, I
know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey on a
fully laden table in front of a crowd of appreciative on-lookers. This will
not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved
in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not,
under any circumstances, enter the kitchen.. Do not send small, unsuspecting
children to check on my progress or to to laugh at me. Keep in mind, I
have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that
I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat. I would like to take this opportunity to remind my
young diners that " passing the rolls" is not a football play. Oh,
and one reminder for the adults: If a young diner questions you
regarding the origins of Giblet Gravy, plead ignorance. Before I
forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12
different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional
pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You
will still have a choice: to take it or leave it.
No, Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this
Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either. For this I am
truly thankful.
