Directory Of Humor

JEWISH HOLIDAY JOKES 

Short summary of every Jewish Holiday:
"They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
___________________

 

Christmas & Channukah slated to merge:

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah  will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the  overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of  Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being   called.  Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking  being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin,  thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the  message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff  happens". In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use  Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa, even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be kosher. The press conference was then closed with a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."