Spookmaster site http://www.spookmaster.com/
pumpkin patterns, games etc
TOMBSTONES
Here lies our son Matt
He told a lie and that was that
Here lies Ryan who made a fatal blunder
He stole his brothers candy , now he's 6 feet under
Mom left this life in peace and mirth
Her soul, we've found, still walks the earth
Here lies our Dad, dead from a fungus
His spirit though still walks among us
Here lies Jason Grimm
We have not seen the last of him....
Here lies Thomas Burn
His final words:"I will return!"
Here below lies Adam Boris
Singing now in Satan's chorus
Here lies Bridget Looving
When last we checked, she was still moving
Jake is buried here below
He stayed too long out in the snow
Here lies cheatin'
chuck - caught cheating at cards
and forgot to duck
Here
lies Buck - hit by a
truck
Here
lies Taylor - hit by
a trailer
Here
lies Beth - she got
scared to death
Here lies Jake - bit by a snake
Here
lies Ryan - bitten
by a lion
Here lies Walt - died of too much salt
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JOKES
The door bell, rings, and a man answers it.
Here stands this plain but well dressed kid, saying "Trick or Treat!"
The man asks the kids what he's dressed up like for Halloween.
The kid says, "I'm an IRS agent." Then he takes 28% of the man's candy, leaves,
and doesn't say Thank You.
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Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating (Rated R)
Submitted By: Anonymous
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
______________________
Why do demons hang out with ghouls? A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? A: Because people are dying to get in.
Q: Why don't skeletons like parties? A: They have no body to dance with.
Q: Why don't skeletons play church music
A: Because they have no organs
Q:How do you make a witch stew?
A:Keep her waiting for hours.
Q: Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
A: It was his bat.
Q: Mother vampire to son:
A: Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it clots.
Q: Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf.
A: Never mind, dear, now go and comb
your face.
Q: What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?
A:Vampire camfire.
Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.
Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
A: Ghost toasties with booberries.
Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A: A dead ringer.
Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?
A: So they can fight knights.
Q: How does a witch tell time?
A: She looks at her witch watch.
Q: Where can you see a real ugly monster?
A: In the mirror.
Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you're a mouse.
Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A: A holy terror.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They wear masking tape.
Q: What would you find on a haunted beach?
A: A sand witch.
Q: Who has a broom and flies?
A: A jelly-covered janitor.
Q: What time would it be if five demons were chasing you?
A: Five after one.
Q: What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a
while.
Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell
"Boo!"
Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.
Q:What did the snowman and the vampire name their baby?
A: Frostbite!
A: What kind of pants does a ghost wear?
Q: "Boo" jeans!
Q: When do werewolf children stay home from school?
A: On Howladays!
Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
Because he was "coffin"!
When does a witch know it's time to trick or treat?
She looks at her witch-watch!
Why was there no food left after the monster's party?
Because everybody was a-goblin!
When do black cats scratch themselves?
When they have w-itches!
What do ghosts wear in the rain?
Boo-ts!
Why did the baby vampire bat wake up screaming?
He had bite-mares!
What kind of tape do you use on Halloween?
Mask-ing Tape!
Why can't skeletons go trick-or-treating?
They have no-body to go with!
What do naughty ghosts use in school?
Cheat sheets!
What do vampires wear in the fall?
Their bat-to-school clothes!
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Witch
Witch who?
Witch one of you can fix my broomstick?
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
Because he had "no body" to go with!
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling!
What is a witch with poison ivy called?
An itchy witchy!
What do you say to a ghost with three heads?
Hello.Hello.Hello!
What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
A boo-loney sandwich!
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A dead end!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf with a drip-dry suit?
A wash-and-wearwolf!
What did the papa ghost say his ghostly children?
Fasten your sheet belt!
What kind of pets do ghosts have?
Scaredy Cats!
Where do vampires put their money?
Blood Banks!
What room can't a ghost go in?
The Living Room!
Where do ghosts go swimming?
The Dead Sea!
What's a ghost's favorite Mother Goose Story?
Little Boo Peep!
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Ivan
Ivan Who?
Ivan to suck your blood!
What's a Vampire's favorite fruit?
NECtarine!
What do you call two skeletons that get married?
A Dead Wed!
What do you get when you cross a witch with a clown?
A Brew Ha-Ha!
When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone!
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A Hoblin Goblin!
Why does a Mummy make a bad birthday gift?
Because he is hard to unwrap!
How do you tell twin witches apart?
It is hard to tell which witch is which!
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts!
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo Who?
Boo Who, I didn't want to make you cry!
Where
do ghosts swim?
In Lake EEErie
Where
do Philadelphia ghosts go rowing ?
On the Spookhill River.
What do you get when you cross a ghost & a chicken -
Poultry-geist
What
do you get when you cross a demon & a chicken
Devilled eggs
Why did the evil chicken cross the road & then go back?
Because he was a double-crosser
Why
is the letter s dangerous -
It makes cream scream, turns lime to slime and changes laughter to slaughter
What
kind of music do mummies like -
Wrap music
Mommy, Mommy, my friends all say I'm a vampire -What's a vampire ? Don't
mind them honey , now come in and eat your soup before it clots
Little
monster to his mom: Mommy, mommy I hate my teacher
Then just eat your salad dear
Mommy,
Mommy the kids keep saying I'm a werewolf - what's a werewolf?
Never mind them honey, now go comb your face before you go to school
Mommy
Mommy, I WANT to eat my chicken
with my fingers.
That's rude honey. Polite monsters
eat fingers separately
Why
didn't the skeleton go to the party
He didn't have any BODY to go with
Who did the boy ghost marry
His ghoul friend
Why
don't the police ever arrest skeletons -
Because it's hard to pin anything on them
Who won the monster beauty contest
No one
What
do you call a handsome friendly and likeable monster?
A failure
What
did Dracula ask the pharmacist as his coffin slid down the hill
Do you have anything to stop this coffin
What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?
You get repossessed
What
goes HA HA PLOP -
A monster laughing his head off
What
has fur and flies?
A dead werewolf
hat
is a ghost's favorite amusement ride
The roller ghoster
What
candy should you ask for if you run into a zombie?
Lifesavers
Did
you hear about the monster that never took a bath?
Never mind it's a dirty story
Did
you hear about how sharp Dracula's teeth are?
Never mind, you wouldn't get the
point
What
did Ludwig Van Beethoven do after he died?
He decomposed.
If
three monsters are a crowd what are four and five?
Nine
How
do you tell an elephant from a skeleton?
Wait for the wind to blow the elephant is the one with the flapping ears.
Which side of the werewolf has the most fur?
The outside.
What
do little witches learn in school?
Spelling
Why
do skeletons do so well on tests?
They bone up the night before
Why
did they send the monster home from school?
They caught him buttering up the teacher.
Why was the cemetary so crowded ?
Everyone was dying to get in
Knock
Knock.
Who's there?
Trigger.
Trigger Who?
Trigger treat
What
do you call a skeleton who sleps all day?
Lazybones.
What's
red and white on the outside and green and lumpy on the inside?
Campbell's Cream of Monster Soup
Why
do mummies like junk food?
They need all the preservatives they can get.
Why aren't ghosts very good liars?
You can see right through them
Is it true that a werewolf can't catch you if you carry a good luck charm?
It depends on how fast you carry it
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BOOK
TITLES
My
favorite Halloween time books :
Body Snatching by Robin Graves
Monster Making by
Frank N. Stine
Living with Vampires by Minerva Sar-Wrecked
Arguing with Monsters by Yul B. Sorry
Keeping Your Werewolf Quiet at Night by Justin Casey Howells
Gravedigging Made
Easy by Iva Shovel
Screams in the Dark by Terry Fide
The Open Coffin by Bea Ware
The Evil Monster by Upton O. Goode
The Mstery of the Bones by S. Kelly Tonne
Is this House Haunted? by Howard I. Know
Something Grabs You In the Night by I.C. Fingers
Confessions of a Mummy by I.M. Dedd
Mummies of Old by Anne Teak
My Life As a Vampire by I Ben Badd
Bitten By A Vampire by Lord Howard Hertz
Visiting Haunted Castles by Hugo First
###################################################
DECORATING
Webs
with spiders etc
Hang
black thread to feel like webs
peeled
grapes or canned cherries to make eyeballs
put
them in green tapioca - to make eyeballs & pus
spaghetti
- to make brains
hole
in box to make cut finger in a box
Hole
in table to make creature head come through
Humidifier
under cauldron to make steamy brew
Make
eerie tape.
Crossed rubber bands stretched end to end in a coffee can ( holes in lid
& bottom allow them to be held by toothpicks) Tie heavy flopping
weight (like fishing weight ) to middle of bands When shaken ite can will
continue to move
Ghostly
presence- take two index fingers and bring the toward other person's eyes, right
after they close their eyes, change to use your index & middle finger on one
had to hold their eyes gently closed while the other hand taps them on the back.
They wont be able to figure out who tapped them
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FOOD FOR EFFECTS
Eyeballs - peeled grapes in side bowl with cover - put hand thru hole
in cover
Brains -Spahetti in bowl - stick hand thru hole in cover on top -
Blood Dark juice or partially thickened jello
FOOD TO ACTUALLY EAT
BROWNIES
- Heap them up like a pile of dirt on grave make tombstone at top out of a
cookie or cardbaord and use green sprinkles or candies on side to look
like grass
Lemon
Squares were "Creme de Lizard Guts on Toast avec Lemon
Finger food - pipe thick cookie dough into finger sizes add almod
slice for fingernail
menu: Ghoulash, scream beans, scalped potatoes, and Mummy's tomb-ache-toe pie-
dessert: booberry pie with I
scream
COSTUME
EFFECTS
Dried Oatmeal makes cracked face
Green face - moisturizer or cold cream & green food coloring
Black face - burnt cork
Bug eyes - ping pong ball cut in half w elastic for a strap & paint black
pupils
Monster teeth use quater of orange
- cut teeth slits in it -
or
blacken some
Warts - use flour & water paste
Wierd head - lie on back - put top of head to floor and chin in air. Drap cloth
over neck & body. Paint mouth
on forehead draw in nose & eyebrows put hat on chin
__________________________
COSTUMES
Grapes - balloons attched with safety pins
IRS - suit with ID wallet that says give me 28% of your candy
Laundry basket - hole in bottom - hold up with suspenders - fill
with laundry & boxes or bottles of detergent
Man in Wind - blow hair back & spray it put wire in tie to look
like it's blowing up in the air - attach leaves and garbage
Bag of Jelly Beans - Ballons and you inside clear bag
Post it notes - make sandwich board fill in side with different colors write
message on front
Mr Potato Head - stuffed burlap sack velcro parts on front so they can be
moved
Milk Carton - laarge white carton with lette 7 missing person
Cereal Killer - attach small cereal boxes to a shirt and have a
knife sticking out of each one
Highway - Black shirt & pants Paint yellow or white stripe &
attaach matchbox cars
Energiser bunny - pink pants & top, rabbit ears and drum
Ceasar Salad - toga with salad items ( & greens) attached
Deviled Egg - wear black devils costume under a sandwich board front &
back of and egg shape
Pirate
ghost old lady mummy garbage
bag sherlock holmes police /
fire cowboy 50's 60's
disco hobo judege nerd hippie scare crow
witch darth vader robot
devil bunny crayon
reporter alien lady bug television
zorro magician prisoner
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Pennsylvania
Festivals /Hayrides/Harvest Activities / Haunts
Steppingstone
Farm Buckingham Haunt 598- 7858 7-10 rides 232 to 413 Go 1 1/2 mi to Pineville
Tavern Left to Wycombe Cross tracks & 1 lane bridge 1 1/2 mi on rt. $10 ad 9
child
Highlands
- Sheaf La Ft Washington 641 2687 mostly crafts
BaederWoods
Haunt
Hillside
Cemetary Haunt $4
Shadybrook Farms in Yarley - campfires - 3 big attractions $16-18
for all three
Somerton Springs - Feasterville - $10-13 Mini golf haunted house etc
Mermaid
Lakes Haunt Jolly Rd BlueBell from 476 go 2 1/2 mi w on Germantown to arch rd
go rt on arch 464-4678 $12.50 ad $9 ch u/12 7-10
Linvilla
Orchards Haunt Knowltown Rd Media
464-4678
Gothic
Gables Haunt Cathedral Rd &
Wissahickon Ave Phila 464-4678
Freddy
Hill Farm - Lansdale 855-1205 pony rides pig races
Kohler
Farms Ambler 6464941
Solly
Brothers Almshouse Rd Ivyland
357-2850
Truck
Patch - 545 Folly Rd Warrington 343-1095
Paul
Valley 611 Warrington 343-1285
Hellerick
rte 611 4 mi above Doylestown 766-8388
None
Such rte263 Buckingham 794-5200
Snipes
Churchville
Nature Center
Delaware
Valley College Doylestown $6.00 345-1500
Sleepy
Hollow Hayrides 881 Highland Rd - Newtown
Sept 18-Nov 1 Sat's 860-6855
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