Directory Of Humor

FINANCIAL JOKES 

FINANCIAL FUN -

STOCKS

It was a supercharged day in the market today
- batteries exploded, Helium was up, feathers
were down, paper was stationary.
Knives up sharply in the a.m. trading,
while pencils lost a few points.
Elevators rose to a new high, escalators
continued their slow decline. Shipping lines stayed
at an even keel, but hiking equipment was trailing
by day's end. Weights were up in heavy trading, but
Coca Cola fizzled and light switches were definitely
off at the final tally. Balloon prices are a bit inflated,
according to analysts and flouresenct tubing is expected
to dim in the coming Bear Market. The market for raisins
has almost completely dried up, and mining equipment
hit rock bottom. Scott Tissue also has touched a new
bottom. In better news, caterpillar inched up a bit today
and SUN peaked about midday.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
MERGERS

A merger in the works between :
Xerox and Wurlitzer: They're going to make reproductive organs.


Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers:
New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler:
New company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker

W. R. Grace Co., Fuller Brush Co.,
Mary Kay Cosmetics, and Hale Business Systems:
New company will be called Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

3M & Goodyear:
mmmGood

John Deere & Abitibi-Price:
Deere Abi

Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil:
Honey, I'm Home

Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining:
Mine, All Mine

3M, J.C. Penney, Metropolitan Opera Company:
3 Penney Opera

Grey Poupon & Dockers Pants:
Poupon Pants

Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women:
Knott NOW!

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining:
Zip Audi Do-Da

Netscape & Yahoo:
Net 'n' Yahoo