The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the
U.S. auto makers for the past five-years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were
installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents,
the circumstances in the last 5 seconds before the crash. They were very surprised to find that in 49 of the 50
states the last words of drivers in 61.2 % of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Sh*t!"
Only the state of Alabama was different, where 92.3 percent of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, hold my
beer and watch this!"
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Top 10 Worst Things To Tell A Cop!
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!!
5. Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police
officer.
7. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
8. Bad cop! No Donut!
9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
10. Didn't I see you on "Cops" arresting that sweet little old lady ?
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Actual Accident Summaries
The following are actual statements found on insurance
forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the
fewest words possible:
Coming home, I drove into wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my head through
it.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
I collided with a stationary car going the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit
him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and
headed over the embankment.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an
intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision, and I did not see the
other car.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an
accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint
gave way causing me to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no
stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the
accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police that I was not injured, but upon removing my hat found that
I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the curb
when I struck him.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way
when it struck the front end.
I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in the ditch
by some stray cows.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big
mouth.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
