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BIRTHDAY JOKES


 

TOP  PARTY GAMES FOR SOMEONE OVER THE HILL

Musical Recliners
Sag, You're It!
Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
20 Questions (Shouted into your Good Ear)
Kick the Bucket
Doc, Doc Goose
Simon Says Something Incoherent
Spin the Bottle of Mylanta


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PERFUMES JUST FOR YOU

FROM LORALIES COSMETICS

Three Incredible Scents - Each one designed to attract a different type of man !!!

Eau de Regular. Explode the myth! Ladies as we all know there are no "regular guys" available out there - not in the Biblical sense, if you know what I mean. So this scent has been designed to attract one that at least has his bathroom habits under control. Vacations with no pressure on you to remember the Immodium AD or consult the pharmacist on the merits of pink vs white liquids. These guys are also likely to drive pretty regular cars and lead fairly boring lives. Great for those in between times when you're just not up for challenges.

Eau de Unleaded. Wow! Time for fun. Just be sure to do it safely. This fabulous scent is geared to attract guys with no lead in their tanks (ie: shootin' blanks!) Great fun for all & no worries! These guys are most likely driving your basic four wheel drives,conversion vans or construction vehicles that convert to Rollin' Ramadas for dates. Use this scent only when in the mood to let the good times roll.

Eau de Hi - Test. After you've tried all the rest, put on this scent & go for the best. Guaranteed to attract only men driving fast cars - Ferrari, Lamborghini, Porshe, Jaguars -they'll be circling the block if you put on too much at once. Good looking & rich. We all know that's not everything - but it's a heck of a start. But don't use this till you're ready to "go for a ride".

Caution: Please use these scents only as directed.

Loralies Cosmetics will not be held liable for results if user has not read instructions completely or has used these cosmetics in a manner inconsistent with their labeling.

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TUCKER'S LAMENT

 

(To the tune of Drunken Sailor)

What shall we do with the old Tom Tucker

What shall we do with the old Tom Tucker

What shall we do with the old Tom Tucker

Now that he's turned 40

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Yeah - hey we'll party hardy

Yeah - hey we'll party hearty

Yeah - hey we'll party hardy

Now that he's turned 40

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Turn up his hearing aid so he can hear these verses (3x)

Now that he's turned 40
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Give him lots of linament for all that puppetry (3x)

Now that he's turned 40
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Make sure his hiking boots are orthopedic (3x)

Now that he's turned 40
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Make his reservation at the Senior's condo (3x)

Now that he's turned 40
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For checking out the girls give him clean bifocals (3x)

Now that he's turned 40
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Mix up his Michelob with metamucil (3x)

Now that he's turned 40
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Then give him his beer and put him in his rocker (3x)

Now that he's turned 40
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOM !

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ELLEN'S LAMENT

What shall we do with this aging Ellen?

What shall we do with this aging Ellen?

What shall we do with this aging Ellen -

Now that she's near forty?

Take her out to Aspen with a one way ticket

Take her out to Aspen with a one way ticket

Take her out to Aspen with a one way ticket

Now that she's near forty!

Yeah-Hey! We'll party hardy!

Yeah-Hey! We'll party hardy!

Yeah-Hey! We'll party hardy!

Now that she's near forty!

Make sure her ski boots are orthopedic (3x)

Now that she's near forty!

Yeah-Hey! We'll party hardy! ........

Mix her cappucino up with metamucil (3x)

Now that she's near forty!

Give her clean bifocals for all that committee work (3x)

Now that she's near forty!

Call another meeting cause the kids want pizza (3x)

Now that she's near forty!

Give her lots of papers so that she can stack them (3x)

Now that she's near forty!

Make her a lifetime PTO President (3x)

Now that she's near forty!

Let her plant the garden at the Senior Citizen's Home (3x)

Now that she's near forty!

Surround her with friends and sit her in her rocker (3x)

Now that she's near forty!

While she sits there rocking, we'll tell her that she's super (3x)

Now that she's near forty!

Yeah-Hey! We'll party hardy!

Yeah-Hey! We'll party hardy!

Yeah-Hey! We'll party hardy!

Now that she's near forty!

HAPPY (EARLY) BIRTHDAY ELLEN !!!
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The jokes posted to this Humor site should be clean. If you find any that jokes that are not clean please contact DirectQuest and list your complaint.

 

The jokes posted to this Humor site should be "family-friendly".  If you find any that jokes that are not clean or ones that are copyrighted by someone,  please contact DirectQuest and let us know so we can remove them.

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Last Update September 09, 2007